We are all social beings, and given the figures of the love industry (dating sites, products to make us look our best, etc.) everybody looks for love to receive and to give. There are the other figures which speak of people getting apart, divorcing and feeling miserable in unsatisfaying relationships. It seems that most of us Don’t find what we are looking for, and we go from one Partner to the next, hoping to finally find THE one. I would like to share with you a few thoughts about relationships that I’ve experienced myself and that I’ve seen efficiently work with the successful couples around me.
- Know and love yourself. If there is one rule to keep, it’s certainly this one. You can’t expect to love someone else properly if you Don’t love and respect yourself first. A lot of people enter a Relationship hoping to feel better about themselves, they expect the other Partner to make them whole and happy. It can be the case in the beginning when everything is new, but in the long course, it’s not sustainable and you become a burden for the other person because you will keep asking for reassurance and feel threatened by other potential rivals. Knowing yourself will allow you to know what you can accept and what you can’t, which is important in any relationship so that the others know how to treat you. Loving yourself will avoid you to stay in a Relationship that brings you Nothing good and only consumes you, because you will know and look for what’s best for you just like you would do for your child if you were a loving parent.
- Take care of yourself. That goes with the first advice. Your Partner is not there to entertain you. You will spend good moments together but it’s important that each of you knows how to spend time alone (eventhough you are in the same room). Have your own hobbies, and friends and take times without your significant part so that you will enjoy seeing each other again. It’s good to miss each other from time to time. While you are having fun on your side, you allow your Partner to do the same and it will be enriching for your Relationship when you meet again.
- Have projects together and individually. Couples usually have projects together in the beginning, and as time passes by they settle and stop exploring and making plans. Making projects even small ones like going to the movie, repainting the garage, or bying new shits for the bed is good to keep the Energy going between you. If you can afford bigger projects go ahead, but Don’t stop dreaming together. Aside mutual projetcs, every Partner should have projects for themselves (enhancing your spirituality, exercising, starting a blog, studying a new language, etc.), you are a couple but you remain individuals with personal needs and aspirations, as long as you make it work with your common projects.
- Plan to have moments when you talk about your life together. Having regular check ups allows you to see how things are going between the two of you. List the most important areas of your life and see how you are doing, what needs to be reajusted, what works well. For example social life, money, sex life, hobbies, projects, spirituality, family life, etc. Depending on what counts most for you. You Don’t have to do it every Week, but every other month or every three months can be a good rhythm.
- Treat each other kindly. This one might sound obvious, but how many couples do I hear Calling each other names, speaking roughly and criticising ? It’s easy to be kind in the beginning of a Relationship when you scarcely know each other, but as time goes by you notice the defaults of your Partner and start blaming them for this or that. Soon enough you are unable to see their good sides. Make it a rule for your couple never to use harsh words against each other. You will certainly disagree on a variety of subjects, but you have to make an effort to talk about it without blaming, cursing, judging the other because it can only result in them fighting back, they have self-esteem too. When you have to complain, talk about yourself, your feelings, how you are affected by the behaviour of your Partner and let them know how you would like them to treat you. Don’t use « you » and accusations, they will defend themselves. Try to avoid using words as « Always, never, all the time« , they are generalities and it makes the other person feel bad about themselves. Be romantic tell your Partner what you like about them on a regular basis, why you feel happy next to them, not only does it make them feel proud of themselves but it also reminds you of why you are together.
- Communicate. Another obvious statement, but a powerful one. Don’t wait for things to get to the point where it’s too late. Whenever Something bothers you, find a way to tell your patner and find a solution that suits the two of you together. That way you will avoid things building up and bursting at once talking about things which happenned a long time ago. When you deal with difficult subjects, use the rules above (treat each other kindly).
- Las but not least, be yourself from the beginning. Seriously, we want to find someone so badly that we are willing to change who we are just to please the other person. Well, it depends on what you are looking for, if it’s a one night stand, go ahead and play a role. But if you are looking for Something real – be real. You shouldn’t distort your personnality or physical appearance in order to please someone. Let them see your true self and let them choose whether or not they want the real you, the person they are going to wake up every Morning with. Don’t let them realise « who is this person ? I Don’t know him / her, he / she has changed ». And when you first meet, ask your future Partner to make you the gift of being themselves too so that you are free to choose them or leave. It so important to do that. And when you see them as they truly are take it or leave it, please you’re not there to change the other person.
Being lovable is being able to love yourself and let the other people love you back. You need to know your Worth and be sure that out there, is someone who will Simply love who you are with your « curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections ». If you are with someone who can’t love you just the way you are, make yourself and that person a tremendous favor, leave.
Thank you for reading and let me know what other things are good to know about longlasting love.
Let’s take care of ourselves.
See you around !